Nick’s Favourite Music of 2012
CLOUD NOTHINGS - STAY USELESS
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It’s been a…transitional year for me. I’ve been on and off benefits, and in and out of jobs, but I’m in a stable situation financially. I’ve started to get some more freelance film work, and I’m immensely proud of the work I’ve done as part of Sunshine Radio.
On the whole, life is good, but I can’t deny that this isn’t where I thought I’d be had you asked me a year ago.
I recently had something that felt like a mini-identity crisis, and I’ve been giving some serious thought to how much time I’m allocating to things that are only for entertainment purposes (which is something I touched upon in the “Sigourney Weaver” post back in April), but also just what my plan is for the future.
Right now, I haven’t got a clue. There’s a few paths I could pursue, and I have done in the past few months/years, but none of them have really worked out in the way I expected. Some of them have worked out quite well, but I still get this feeling of inadequacy.
Not from the experience themselves, but from me. Sometimes I feel that the reason that none of them have been wild success is because I’m simply not very good at them.
But if these are the only things I know how to do, what the hell am I supposed to do? Solider on, or find something else before it’s too late?
I know things aren’t as bad as that previous paragraph suggests. I get a lot of good feedback from people, and it means the world to me. But, every now-and then, I get that nagging feeling that sooner or later I’ll be revealed as a fake, and kicked out of the clubhouse.
“Stay Useless” isn’t the best song of the year (not quite, top five at least), but it’s the one that’s meant the most to me. And, really, isn’t that the most important thing when it comes to music? As much as I love to read various lists of the “Best Music Ever”, numerical rankings don’t mean jack if you don’t have the words and emotions to back them up. That’s why I started this annual series in the first place!
Anyway, the lyrics of the song deal with the sort of mental situation I find myself in from time to time. I’m fresh(ish) out of university, back in a hometown that somehow feels alien to me now. Some days, I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Other days, I don’t know what it is I want to do, which is a scary feeling.
But somehow, I’ve deal with it. And the chorus reminds me how:
I need time to stop moving / I need time to stay useless
While I may get the feeling that my life could be better, it’s perfectly okay to take the time to stop and enjoy the position I’m currently in. There’s no sense in planning a route when you don’t know the way you want to go, after all.
I need to learn that there’s a difference between “not moving” and “not useful”.
Winner of this year’s ‘Best Song Ever’ award
[Last year’s winner]